To many, my dear parents included, my new direction must seem a little far-fetched or even a little irresponsible. There are times when I have to check in with myself too, and reassess if this journey towards wine is the right move for us.
Everyday we are bombarded with advice to ‘choose life’ and ‘make the most of life’ and ‘we only have one life.’ Is is simply just narcissism or selfishness to strive towards making it the more fun or exciting than the present condition? Or indeed, having a job that you are proud to share with people at a party? (Instead of the usual response, “Chemistry? Really?! I hated Chemistry at school.”) After all, what is it all about? Scientifically, life is about survival and breeding – simple as that. For generations it seems that my gorgeous family have just been content with ‘their lot.’ A stable and sensible job to them is a marker of success, but I have always been a bit different in that respect.
I love teaching, but over the years the profession and the directions I have taken within it has left me feeling stifled. I tried to escape after my very first year; finding my way onto a PhD, but little by little it crept back into my life. Not only did I return to teaching, but I found myself living and breathing school life at boarding school! I love boarding school and the relationships you build with other boarding staff, but I began to begrudge how it degraded my own life outside of school. Now back at a regular school, I miss the pastoral element of the job and grumble at having to use any of my own time at all. It feels like the right time to ‘retire.’
Until now I have mostly kept my blinkers on tightly as I gallop towards the wine degree, doing my best to filter out any negativity, amplify encouragement and reassure my critics. There has not been an obstacle quite as huge as the one that came this week. This one really caught my eye…
Had my plan A for life in Australia worked out, then I would have been Head of Boarding at one of Melbourne’s top independent girls’ schools. My dream job in education. I even secured an interview using my British contacts. It was my limited understanding of the Australian education system held me back. Since then I have been tempted deep into the institution with promotions and the lure of jobs in Eastern suburbs. However, the email I received last week really took the biscuit (metaphorically dangling it over the tea.) The Head of said girls’ independent school invited me to apply for Deputy Head of Boarding. My jaw dropped. This was an amazing opportunity. My guard was down. My critics were eagerly awaiting and encouraging my immediate defection back to the playground. On top of this…I still haven’t gotten onto the wine degree, arrrrgh!
A couple of days, still no degree offer. I requested the information about the position…still no degree offer. I contacted the university…they said I will know ‘soon’… still no degree offer. The ‘what ifs’ started to penetrate my psyche. ‘What if I do not get a place on the course and I have turned down a REALLY good job. But the website?! What have we started…?’
Of all of my advisors, Phil has been the voice of reason that I needed to hear, gently reminding me of my struggle with teaching over the last few years. We have had many conversations about my desire to find a way out over that time. The prospect of giving up this dream, just because I stumbled at the first hurdle was not something I even wanted to contemplate. He had me convinced.
Plan B
So…I have a plan B. It still involves wine. I have turned down the job opportunity and I am ready to fully commit myself to a career in the Australian wine industry.
Just thinking about this makes me feel so over privileged. I am genuinely so grateful that I am lucky enough to have this choice, in the first instance because I happen to have been born into a country and culture with a moreish education and the freedom to travel. Secondly, that I have an incredibly supportive husband that believes in me and my dreams. He is happy to endure some hardship in order to help me reach for them. This decision is an important way of giving thanks for all of the opportunities afforded to me.